Mommyland · On My Heart - Current Affairs

#PhilandoCastile – I Don’t Know Where to Begin

I’m angry.

I’m frustrated.

I’m sad.

I’m scared.

I’m tired.

I’m sick AND tired.

I’m a black woman, a wife and a mom.  Today’s not guilty verdict rendered for #PhilandoCastile’s murderer has filled me with so many overwhelming emotions that I can’t even begin to articulate how I feel right now.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written because I feel like I could write the same blog posts I did two years ago because absolutely nothing has changed….Murderous Cops who kill black people CONTINUE TO GET AWAY WITH IT.  And I have failed to see ANY “good” cops speak up.  The cops see no value in our lives.  The jurors see no value in our lives. The entire judicial system, which was never made for us in the first place, continuously ring loud and clear that Black Lives DON’T matter.  They screw us on almost every turn.

Elected officials don’t see our worth either…unless it’s time to vote, then we are so ever important (more on this the next blog post).  But, the GOP expect us to share in their #whitetears about the congressional baseball practice shooting.  While, I don’t wish any harm to any one, I really have room to add to my worry. So forgive me if I’m not trying to sing Kumbaya with them because they are “scared” now. Because they NOW feel like targets.  Because they NOW feel the need to move their district offices to federal buildings to feel safe.

Really?!  You see, the GOP elected officials have options.  First and foremost they have the complexion of protection and the resources to continue to keep them safe. Black FOLKS have ALWAYS felt like targets and they ain’t (yes, I mean ain’t) said or done anything about it. So miss me with those #whitetears.

Meanwhile, every day I fear for my husband and my son when they leave the house.  I continuously tell my son and his friends they have to be careful when they are walking to and from school in the neighborhood in which they live.  My heart races until both my husband and my son return home.  Sometimes, I even hold my breath and don’t exhale until they walk through the door.  This is constant.  This is daily.  How am I to feel safe or feel secure that my son and husband will come home alive, when the very people who are supposed to be sworn to protect them can easily turn around and kill them…for walking while black, driving while black, listening to music while black, eating skittles while black, going to a swim party while black?

My heart aches for #PhilandoCastile’s mom and I stand with her in her anger.  I cannot begin to imagine how she feels.  Not only was her son murdered, he was stopped over 40 times before the cops killed him…and then they got off.  Today, I mourn, I cry, I scream…but tomorrow, I will rise again to continue this fight.

Signed,

Dru
Black Woman, Wife, Mom, Angry.

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